Dear Margo: How To Deal with a Scatterbrained Roommate

Margo Howard’s advice

How To Deal with a Scatterbrained Roommate

Dear Margo: I’ve just started my second year of teaching (fourth grade), and I share a large, beautiful apartment with a colleague I’ll call Jill. A major problem has me upset, angry and depressed just as I’m trying to get going into the new school year. Jill is a wonderful person. We teach together, go clubbing several nights a week and have mutual interests, but Jill is very carefree and careless.

The other morning, she left to go shopping while I was working out on the treadmill. For the hundredth time, she left the door unlocked, and when I heard a noise, I went to investigate — but too late. Someone had broken in, and I was no match for him. Fortunately, he only wanted money, bankcards, etc., but he left me so tightly bound and gagged that it was impossible to break free. I spent several hours hogtied on our sofa struggling furiously until Jill came back and found me tied up, sweating, sobbing and furious.

Jill has profusely apologized for not locking the door, but needless to say, we are not amiable at the moment. I’ve considered moving, but 1) I like it here, 2) I like Jill, and 3) This is a terrible time to move with the school year just having started. What would you do? — Tied Up in August

Dear Tied: Jill sounds like one of your fourth graders instead of a fellow teacher. To be so “carefree and careless” about repeatedly leaving a front door unlocked is unacceptable for a woman with a roommate. (If she lived alone, the only one to suffer would be Jill.) I would think finding a good friend bound and gagged would make quite a strong impression. Apologies are nice, but I think you now have the right to decree that the next time she leaves the front door unlocked means she will have to be the one to move out. (I am hoping this was not her apartment first.)

Now that Jill has pretty well proved that her carelessness could put your life at stake, it is really not too much to ask that she get in the habit of locking the front door. It is not all that hard to make it a routine part of leaving the apartment. If you think she is really addled, you might tape a note on the front door saying “IS THE DOOR LOCKED?” An accompanying drawing is optional. — Margo, seriously

To Each Her Own Social Medium

Dear Margo: I was happy to read the letter from the older woman writing about Facebook. I, too, am a dinosaur. My grandchildren talked me into joining FB. I got so much junk I couldn’t stand it. There were letters with pictures from people I don’t know and too much information about people I don’t care about. I finally got brave and discontinued FB. What a relief! I figure if people, grandchildren included, want to contact me, they can send a letter or an email — and send pictures the old-fashioned, private way. — Mrs. H.

Dear Mrs.: I’m with you, but with a slight difference. One of my kids is active on Facebook, so I learn a lot from following her page. I do this, however, with a made-up name so that I don’t get roped into my own Facebook life. (Twitter is bad enough.) The FB servers, however, clearly know my identity because they keep offering me friends … from my address book. Privacy’s gone, but I like to pretend we still have some. — Margo, pragmatically

* * *

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via the online form at Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.


Every Thursday and Friday, you can find “Dear Margo” and her latest words of wisdom on wowOwow

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44 Responses so far.

  1. avatar Constance Plank says:

    Really? I don’t think this letter is real. They share a large beautiful apartment. She is a second year teacher but can afford to buy expensive work out equipment? Or they live in a high rent/high theft area?

    My experience of Facebook has been quite pleasant.

    What I find interesting is that my two daughters aged 17 and 20, are both deeply involved in sending real letters and packages to their friends in college. Today, I took a box that had been colored with a gold metallic to be mailed. Inside were made from scratch pumpkin cookies. Sarah was happy to pay for her college friend to get the cookies.

    As email communication gets easier and more frequent, my two girls and their friends, are pushing for the demonstrable caring of putting pen to paper, and to making that experience a pleasurable one visually.

    Constance in the Sierra Foothills of California.

    • avatar martina says:

      She could have bought the treadmill used. I got mine from mine parents when they weren’t using it anymore and got a $600 nordic track used at a flea market for $25.00.

    • avatar Messy ONE says:

      You think crime doesn’t happen in the high rent district? Dream on.

      As for the rent, it all depends on where they live. There are plenty of cities that have rents low enough that two teachers could easily afford a large apartment.

  2. avatar Belinda Joy says:

    Letter #1 – IF (and that is a strong if) this letter is real, this letter writer doesn’t seem to take her own life seriously. She’s a teacher that goes “clubbing” several times a week? She experienced something that is explained as being incredibly horrific and emotionally crippling – yet her reaction is tantamount to “That wacky friend of mine….Hmmmm let me write to Dear Margo to see what her take is on me remaining roommates with Jill?” If this story is true, they deserve one another and should remain roommates. Both of these ladies have a lot of maturing to do.

    Letter #2 – FaceBook like any other social networking venue has its good and bad points. I have a FB account but I don’t use mine for friends and family. I never accept friend requests because I don’t like the idea of sharing too much information with others. And on the flipside, I don’t like to learn too much about others. I find that it can color how I view them. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

    • avatar Messy ONE says:

      It sounds like the LW has chosen not to be a victim for her entire life. Something happened, it’s over, and she has moved on. There is no need for her to wallow in misery for years.

      I would have been furious at the “friend”, though, and she sure as heck wouldn’t have stayed within ten miles of me after that. The girl (because she is no grownup) sounds like an idiot. It’s time for one of them to move, no matter how apologetic the twit is.

      • avatar casino la fantastique says:

        Why does liking clubbing somehow make you a person who doesn’t take your life seriously? Judgeypants. Just because it’s not your thing doesn’t mean it’s bad.

        • avatar Belinda Joy says:

          Judgeypants? 🙂 That’s a new one, but I’ll own it.

          In this day and age when so many teachers and their respective unions are under fire for the lack of quality and attention they give our kids, I find someone stating in a matter of fact way that she is a teacher AND goes out clubbing “several times a week” does nothing for changing the negative opinion so many have for teachers.

          Could a doctor, lawyer, banker, or secretary that has work to do, work that requires a rested mind and body, function at full force given they were out late clubbing 4 times a week? I would say no, you clearly think yes. I’m right and you are wrong.

          There, Ms. Judgeypants has spoken! 🙂

          • avatar David Bolton says:

            LW1: Ms. Judgeypants seems to agree with me on this one. There’s no way in hell this letter is from a real person.

            LW2: “I was happy to go to an online forum and read the letter about someone who hates Facebook—then I took the time to email Margo and express my feelings about the matter as well…” Umm… okay.

          • avatar A R says:

            Agreeing with Ms. Judgeypants (who I think is actually pretty wise more often than not for what it’s worth). I think the letter is fake. More to the point, if I had a roomie that was that childish, I’d check the damn door myself when I was home alone. If the LW knows the roomie is that ongoing-ly foolish, assuming she locked it is a pretty risky choice. Better safe than sorry even if she has to go check behind her (meanwhile I’d start looking for a new place).

          • avatar Messy ONE says:

            When I was a kid, it was a firing offense if a teacher was seen in a bar, on a date, or in a liquor store. If a teacher had any contact with a student, whether outside the school (as in walking down the street and saying hello) or after the student had graduated, they could be fired for that as well.

            I have seen policy documents that were in force right into the 70s that governed clothing choices for teachers AFTER work, too. Skirts were to cover the knee, men were NEVER to be seen in a shirt with short sleeves and so on.

            So your idiotic insistence that 20-something teachers act like nuns is beyond stupid. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with teachers acting like humans, and what they do when they’re not at work is none of your bloody business. If YOUR job required that you follow their rules when you’re not there, you’d be howling to the moon.

            Get over yourself.

          • avatar Belinda Joy says:

            Messy One,

            No, I think you should take your own advice and “get over yourself”

            Only in your universe is telling someone that holds an important profession that it isn’t a good idea to “go out clubbing 4 times a week” that they are being told to act like a nun. Newsflash! The United States is FILLED TO THE BRIM with men and women that hold down jobs where they know they have to be at 100% the next day, and prioritize their lives to allow for socializing, dancing, drinking, sex, flirting, travel, etc. etc. etc.

            Most of society, those that know they have to go to work the next day, see a problem with staying up late 4 nights (at a minimum) a week to go out clubbing. Especially for a teacher that has responsibilities such as developing study/lesson plans, grading papers, prepare reports for parents and school administrators, etc. etc. Using the flightiness of this letter writer and her friend, I would assume they squeeze these responsibilities in where ever they can between drinking, flirting and dancing.

            Instead of taking up for their irresponsibility Messy One, you would be better served offering up insights to make this letter writer or anyone that thinks and lives as she does, to help them make better life decisions.

      • avatar luna midden says:

        I too, like one of the other posters, thought LW1 was kinda strange… 

        Roomate leaves door unlocked and RIGHT AFTERWARDS SOMEONE DECIDES TO ‘BREAK IN’? There are 2 kinds of robbers-ones who do not want to be seen… so they look for houses/apartments that are empty and then, the other kind of robbers, the BOLD ONES, who are normally NOT ALONE! These are HOME INVASIONS… and robbers normally do not diviate from one to another..  

        Now, doiing a HOME INVASION on 2nd year teachers… OKAY, maybe ‘he’ did not know their employment, but TAKING THEIR BANK CARDS??? He would have to use them QUICK… because of course, she is going to report them once she is out of her binds.. Is he going to use them in a store? Is he going to take the chance of the store not noticing that he has a female name, or that she does not free her binds QUICKLY??? AND report this crime and they come and arrest him?? Or like alot of credit Identity.. mail it to another address? again, she could free herself and the credit would be cancelled before the items are shipped… No password #s -no cash… so either made up or A REALLY STUPID CROOK!!!

        This LW could have happened… maybe a robber was checking doors and found one unlocked… but, lets face it.. a ‘professional crook’ can break through MOST LOCKS… and I don’t know what kind of lock she has on her doors, but, I have had locks previously on my doors that can be locked and you can open and go out. If her roommate ‘forgets’… GET ONE OF THOSE!!!
        but, I am truely wondering if this letter was put in to frightin her roommate-I too, wondered about the ‘clubbing’ a few nights a week as a fairly new teacher. Ones I have known are too overwhelmed with lesson plans and grading, etc….

        Sorry for the length, but the LW bugged me, like I said, might be true, but it set off the hairs on my neck and when THAT HAPPENS… I have alot of questions.           

    • avatar Hellster says:

      Belinda Joy, my reaction was the same as yours; the LW’s reaction to having been violently traumatized seems inappropriately affect-less. The clubbing remark was also out of character for a young teacher. The entire letter lacks the ring of truth.

      I enjoy facebook, and find it useful for keeping up with my sons and daughters in law, as well as being a wonderful way to stay in touch with erstwhile friends I’d not normally have the opportunity to connect with. As a writer, it’s more natural for me to communicate via keyboard, and my work allows me access to the internet for 8 hours a day. The main problem for facebook that I have is its addictive quality. It’s like a black hole of productivity!

      • avatar Belinda Joy says:

        Hellster, your comment about FaceBook makes me smile. For you FB is your addiction for me it’s blog sites. 🙂

  3. avatar Jennifer juniper says:

    The first letter could be true – but it certainly doesn’t come across as such. It comes across as a roommate that is highly annoyed that her roomie is leaving the door unlocked so she concocts a burglar scenario that is supposed to jolt said roommate out of carelessness. A beautiful apartment that doesn’t have some kind of security to get in the building? Not sure if she is lying just to Margo but this is not going to cure a friend of carelessness. Aren’t there doors that automatically lock behind you? Perhaps the roomie should be asked to pay for one if she continues to leave without locking the door.

    • avatar mmht says:

      I live in an area where 2 family flats are common and abound in single family neighbors. They have doors that open directly onto front porches, they are spacious, large (for apartments), can be very beautiful, and are generally practical in rent. I actually had a roommate during college while living in one of these who also had problems locking the door. In fact, she had problems shutting the door! I one time came home from work at 10pm to find the front door wide open (the screen door closed) and she was no where to be found. Thankfully we were never robbed but I never kept ANYTHING of value in that apartment due to her blase attitude about locking doors (she actually told me I was over reacting when I told her she needed to lock the door EVERY time she left the apartment!).

    • avatar David Bolton says:

      I wouldn’t have considered this, but I wonder if you’re not absolutely correct. Again, I don’t know of a single female who would not react to surviving a robbery attempt with immediate and permanent changes to their lifestyle: new house, new roommate, new alarm system, new gun, new big-ass dog, etc. The reaction certainly would not be “…sweaty, hogtied and furious, and I’m off to write a letter to Margo.”


  4. avatar toni says:

    Interesting. My first thought was also IF the first letter is real. I see others felt the same. I wondered why someone would write this fake letter — then thought, of course!! To show to someone they live with who leaves the door unlocked. Or a grown child who does. A cautionary tale w an I told you so side…

    • avatar Carib Island Girl says:

      I lock my doors religiously, and yes, this stuff DOES happen. My next door neighbor recently was getting ready for a trip, had his truck open, went inside to get more items and when he came out, some little a-hole of a 20 year old sitting in rifling through it!! I believe the LW and I would have punched the roomie in the face. Margo was right on the money and too kind.

  5. avatar Cindy Marek says:

    #1: This letter seems very familiar, but in a slightly different context. If it’s legit: Make sure the door is locked from now on, and remind Jill.

    L #2: I’m 47 and off FB; never liked it. If family/friends are posting to their FB page photos from family get-togethers and parties, there’s little you can do about it (and, like you, probably the people in their Friends list don’t care much who’s in what photo). FB and Twitter (I love Twitter for all its science and news updates) are optional social media. I’m active on two message boards and two e-groups besides; and I’m careful with personal information. Interacting online is seldom a nightmare for *careful* people. You don’t need to run and hide, just be careful. 🙂

    • avatar LuckySeven says:

      Man, am I tired of the Facebook whiners!

      You can turn off updates, and you can hide posts from people from whom you do not wish to see every life detail. It’s easy, and it will allow you to actually enjoy seeing things from people you like.

      Facebook can only take up as much of your life as you wish, but it’s definitely not all or nothing. The truth is that you’ve already decided you don’t like it and refuse to give it a fair shot, so you’re being as annoyed by it as you can instead of taking five minutes to learn to manage it.

      • avatar MissTwyck says:

        Very well said! I had the same thought. Learn how to block people so you don’t see their posts. Only friend people you want to stay in touch with. Set your privacy settings the way you want them, and then check them periodically. It’s pretty simple, really.

      • avatar John Lee says:

        No, it is not possible to use Facebook in a controlled limited manner.  Like all technology, Facebook is evil.  It’s similar to when the light bulb and the combustion engine came out.  We should have fought harder to keep the candle and the horse drawn carriage.

        Now you have all these kids driving around after sunset and the world is going to hell in a handbasket.

        Facebook must be stopped, it is all-powerful and can control my weak old-fashioned mind.  We must shut it down.

  6. avatar martina says:

    I lived in Queens, NY until I was 9 and then moved to Long Island. When living in Queens, you learn very quickly to ALWAYS lock your doors. We did it in Long Island, we did it when we moved to New Jersey, I did it when I moved to Pennsylvania. I still do it out in the boonies of of PA Dutch country. I often lock my husband out when he’s working outside the house in the middle of 15 acres because it’s just habit to lock the door when I get in the house.

    I don’t see why people are doubting this letter. Even out here we’ve been having a rash of home invasion robberies. I agree with Margo. It’ll probably take you time to get over what she did to you but if you think you can and since, you like her and you don’t want to move then, give her one last chance. But, check the door each time she leaves. I’d be a wreck after something like that happened and wish you peace.

  7. avatar Kathy says:

    LW1 sounds like a Lifetime movie.  Two young, beautiful professionals share a luxurious apartment.  Teaching by day, clubbing by night.  One flighty, one responsible.  The responsible one is overpowered, tied up and robbed, and so she’s a little miffed right now and they aren’t speaking.  What to do, what to do?  If it weren’t for the made-up letters, I’m not sure there would be any.

  8. avatar Ariana says:

    #1: There’s an even easier solution to threatening to have Jill move out, which will probably cause problems with your ability to pay the rent alone before you can find a new roommate.

    Insist that a keyless lock be installed on the door and paid for by Jill. The door will be automatically be locked every time it’s closed.

    Don’t let her give you any nonsense about it costing too much either. If she has enough money to go clubbing a few times a week, she can certainly afford to cut back enough in order to buy the lock. They don’t cost the world.

    • avatar Ariana says:

      BTW, I’m assuming one of you has renter’s insurance. Contact the insurance company to see if they offer any rebates for people who install auto-locking systems on their front doors.

  9. avatar ann penn says:

    L1 – IF this is true, and you wish to keep the living arrangement, you should have learned that when roomie leaves and you are there then you must check that the door is locked.

    L2 FB is a great way to keep up with a few friends and relations, but it is up to you to set your privacy restrictions. Once done, you will still get “suggestions” for friends which you may happily ignore. It is not that difficult to set things like who may see what you post, who may see photos of you, etc.

    FB was a great help to my family when a relative was in the hospital with a serious problem. The spouse could post updates to a PRIVATE group that had been set up for that purpose; joining required an invitation. It made sharing info simpler among many – easier than email as it only had to be posted to one location, not have several email addresses listed, etc.

  10. avatar Kathleen Hein says:

    Burglaries happen in the high rent neighborhoods too- it’s the old saying about why do bank robbers rob banks. However, to me, what makes LW1 improbable is that she was left bound and gagged. That would mean the burglar was somehow prepared to do that (unless she has rope, etc. laying about) If she’d been beaten up or killed, that would be more believable to me. Also, most burglars don’t normally do it that way in the middle of the day- they ring the bell and knock first, to see if someone is home before breaking in, pretending to have gotten the wrong door, or are a surveyor or solicitor or something. I think LW1 watches too much TV.

    As for LW2, I agree with those who say if she took 5 minutes to adjust her privacy settings and what she “sees” from other people- and should never see anything from people she doesn’t know, anyway! If she doesn’t want to be on FB or other social networking sites, that’s her business, but there’s no need to blame the service when her complaints were all her own fault!

  11. avatar Allaroundtheworld says:

    Regarding the FaceBook comment, my spouce and I have created a monster with my mother.  I have my account but never use it, except for family emergencies like a death in the family, while my spouce uses it for contact with his big ass family. He has over 10 aunts and 5 uncles with so many cousins along with his own brother and sister and parents.  Then one day my mother who is 73 wanted to know what facebook is. We explained that it is a social media that you can keep in contact with family and friends and that their are games that you can play etc…….now a year and a half down the road she has become obsessed with it. She sends game request to every person that she can to get the free plays and free tokens. The family keeps telling me to tell her to stop. I ‘ve told them I don’t have face book anymore myself and to do it themselves. Now the bomb shell, I was balancing her bank account and notice $100 dollars spent on facebook games. I asked her about it and she said that since no one will send her any tokens back she is buying them. I don’t know who to be mad at, ourselves for getting mom on facebook so she could be more involved with the family that is all over the country, facebook for luring her into “FREE” games that wants you to request tokens from your family and friends, My family for ignoring her and not taking the 5 minutes to send the token request back to her. I talk to my Mom every day for 10 minutes to check up on her and once a week for at least an hour so she can vent about living with my brother. We go up to my brothers house once a week for a couple of hours each week while his family is at work so we can spend quality time with her but lately she has become even more angry and hateful about everything. I love my mother dearly, but we have created a Facebook monster. 

    • avatar Hellster says:

      Good Lord! It sounds as if you and your spouse are doing everything you can to keep up the relationship with your mother. She sounds lonely and is perhaps becoming addicted to the games on facebook. Has she demonstrated any other addictive traits in the past?

      At any rate, it’s sad. If you have the responsibility of balancing her checkbook you have standing to address this issue directly with her. But be prepared for resistance. I’m sorry for your trouble.

  12. avatar baloneynruffles says:

    Regarding the first letter, there was a similar one several months ago (I believe) about a mother and daughter who experienced a home invasion robbery and were left tied up. That one was fake and I believe this one is too. Not only because it’s so close to another letter but it reads false too.

  13. avatar blueelm says:

    Add me to the list of people who think LW1 is a fake meant to get attention so that a certain friend or roommate will lock the door. Also, she seems to neglect something that I know for a fact is true. Being hogtied hurts, it causes quite a bit of pain for a long while after. I would really expect some one who went through an experience like this to become completely vigilant about the door themselves. I know I did after we had a break in while I was there, through the open window, because boyfriend liked not using AC and having a natural breeze even though we lived in a not-suburban-privilege-talking-here ghetto. After that though, no open windows anymore, we got window locks, and a security system even in our lousy little place. But LW1 just wants to teach her roomy to lock the door? Really?

  14. avatar Daniele says:

    Facebook. It’s not really paranoia if they are out to get you. The key to facebook is understanding the tool. It makes money from personal information, what you share and what it can collect.

    I use Facebook because it does give me ways to connect with acquaintances and it gives me an opportunity to ‘brand’ myself for an employer. My facebook content is completely public, and I will never put anything on it that I want to remain private. That’s step one. Facebook routinely has privacy issues, where content people thought would be private suddenly isn’t. I will never trust Facebook with 1) information I don’t want the public to have, and 2) information I don’t want Facebook to sell to advertisers.

    Finally, Facebook tracks people across the web–this is how they know the contents of your address book, etc., Margo–if it can. I have multiple internet browsers on my machine and I use one browers for facebook exclusively. I don’t do anything on that browser that I don’t want Facebook to have access to. Period. I *never* press the Facebook “Like” button on any website that isn’t Facebook. Part of controlling what Facebook knows about me is maintaining a basic understanding of what Facebook is doing behind the scenes.

    If I didn’t think Facebook use would be beneficial to me in some way other than maintaining contact with friends, family, or acquaintances, I would never use it.

  15. avatar intliz says:

    I had a roomate like this. She would leave the stove on (flame burners) and go out. I took a nap once and woke up to find the front door swinging open. It took a long time but finally got her to move out.

    Can you buy door locks that automatically lock when you shut the door? This is what I would suggest if she doesn’t want to change roommates.

  16. avatar Lym BO says:

    LW1: The guy who robbed you was likely once of your buddies from the club.
    LW2: Facebook is only evil if you let it control you. I control mine instead by creating groups who can see what I post. I only view what that special group posts as well unless I am really bored & don’t feel like writing to Margo with made up letters or petty gripes.

  17. avatar NYCGirl says:

    I also thought the first letter sounded fishy, and wondered what teachers were doing clubbing “several” nights a week.

    • avatar JCF4612 says:

      LW1: I’ve always defined “several” as three or more, as  opposed to a “couple of” or maybe once weekly.  Whether teachers or typists, or scientists — exactly who goes clubbing “several” times a week? This letter reeks of phony, phony, phony.  

      LW2: Why are you bitching? Nobody said you had to friend people you don’t care about.   

  18. avatar wendykh says:

    Maybe LW1 is fake but…

    I live somewhere it’s common practice for young single people to go out after work for happy hour *every* night. The cost of living is very low here for rent and utilities, and like many urban metro areas the majority of people don’t own a car. In fact if I meet someone under 35 who has a driver’s license, I am 100% certain they grew up outside of city limits. People just don’t drive here. You’d be amazed how much of your budget is freed up without the regular expense of gas, insurance, car payments and repairs, etc. Especially when a monthly transit pass is under $80 and can get you around nearly 24/7 to about anywhere you want to go efficiently. Now combine that with having the highest per capita rates of bars and restos in North America, which makes them much lower cost than one would think they would be. Perfectly possible to go out and have a couple of drinks and a meal for about $30. And if you were really being budget about it, around $20. Further, the kind of apartments so common in suburban areas and middle America and the left coast, those complex style ones? Yeah those don’t exist here so much and WOW they are pricey, often twice as much as the majority, which are duplex/triplex/rowhouse type flats built in the late 1800s and early 1900s meant for inner city family living. Very easy for single childfree people to live VERY well here, especially if they have a roommate!

    In addition to going out for at least a light supper and drinks every night, in our town the weekend starts on Thursday. Yes certainly we work on Fridays but people go out till 10-11ish on Thursdays pretty regularly prior to parenthood. Friday and Saturday are until 2-3am. And while I love and respect teachers, the majority of the ones I know also make their jobs way too hard. It really should not take hours of outside time to formulate lesson plans when you teach the same class each year and if you haven’t someone has before you. Also, here we have regular pedagological days, so maybe ours aren’t so busy outside of class, and maybe these women live in a similar place.

    BTW to the poster above who wondered about stealing bank cards and how quickly they’d have to use them. Well, you can tell you’re not a thief. The cards are stolen to use in places without a machine, or online, or to imprint with *other* card information. I mean the thieves don’t even have the PINs, they’re not going to just hop over to the ATM.

    And here it happens fairly commonly a single assailant will walk in and hog tie someone and then rob, not assaulting them. They don’t want the extra charge of assault if caught. The thief had likely been staking out the apartment and seeing Jill leave assumed it was empty. Robbing in broad daylight is common in urban areas; no one thinks you look weird or out of place because no one is looking for you to look weird or out of place in broad daylight.

    So no her lifestyle doesn’t seem improbable to me. And like another poster said not everyone has the same reaction to events. I often get accused of having fake miscarriages because well, frankly, they weren’t that big of a deal to me. It was “oh that’s a bummer. (sad face) Moving along then…” Apparently I was supposed to cry for weeks, acquire expensive jewellery to commemorate this event, name the “children”, need therapy, and spend my entire subsequent pregnancies freaked out. Also I should have viewed these early first trimester miscarriages as the same as losing a child (and in fact it usually enrages people when I don’t). Sorry but after watching my parents go through a stillbirth and lose a 16 year old son (my brother) and two of my uncles lose their sons at 18 months and 6 years, and listening to my grandmother tell stories about losing her four year old youngest child, a little girl, in a fire, well, I just really can’t get too excited about a 7 week old blatocyst being miscarried, a fate over 20% of them will share. I blame the rabid pro-life movement in the US for creating this ridiculous embryo fetish culture. And no I don’t begrudge people who do feel that way… NOT my experience or place to decide! But I feel so awkward when other women start heaping on the sympathy and supposed empathy for something that was an annoyance and gross event in my life, and little more.

    • avatar hayhh says:

      So where you live, it is fairly common for someone to undergo Jill’s experience? How do you have time for anything, or even make conversation, being hogtied and gagged and all that?

      You did bring up some good points, though.

  19. avatar Michelles11 says:

    There are all kinds of people, and whether the 1st letter is real or not, I guarantee you there is someone out there who is JUST like the letter writer.  They are who they are and may or may not change over time.  Some people just like to vent, maybe writing to Margo was just that…or not.  Whatever. 

  20. avatar hayhh says:

    Anytime I’ve read anything about facebook, there have been nothing but complaints about it. It’s amazing that a website apparently hated so much has stayed alive all these years.

  21. avatar judgingamy says:

    Yeah, I’m not sure about LW1 either. That sounds a little ridiculous. So, he breaks into a house, is confronted by the owner, and takes the time to tie her up, and then goes about his business of robbing them? That sounds like a bad movie. How did he know Jill wouldn’t be right back? And if he was just a random burglar who just happened upon an unlocked house, how did he know LW was alone? Maybe while he was tying her up LW’s roommate, or sibling, or husband might come out to investigate. Maybe before LW came into the room she called the cops.  Guarantee if someone is just trying to steal some cash and runs into the owner, he’s going to turn around and run. I mean, I suppose it could happen, but it sounds pretty sensational.

    • avatar judgingamy says:

      I went back and reread it again. So, Jill leaves the door unlocked. Someone very shortly thereafter comes in. LW comes out, catches this burglar (who is not armed) and is overpowered and tied up and gagged by rope the burglar just happened to bring along. The burglar does all this to escape with whatever cash a teacher might have had in her purse at the time, and bank cards that will surely be cancelled before the day is over.

      Burglar chooses to break into an apartment- which of course has very close neighbors, is unaware of when any occupant might be returning, and decides that an excellent use of his time would be tying someone up, who is probably kicking and screaming, as opposed to just hitting her over the head and running. He is not interested in any electronics or jewelry, only her bank cards. LW is lucky enough that he is neither a rapist nor murderer and suffers no damage other than anger from the incident.

      All of this would have been avoided had Jill just locked the door, since obviously this burglar was just looking for an unlocked door and had no other means of breaking in, but clearly came prepared with a rope and gag. Sure, this story could TOTALLY happen.

      And for those who will say maybe he used materials LW already had- yeah, okay, he’s in an apartment with close neighbors and thin walls and a screaming, fighting captive, and he’s going to take the time to not only tie her up but also dig through her stuff for the resources to do so??