Dear Margo: Sex Ed for a Younger Sibling


 If my parents won’t, can I give “the talk” to my younger sibling? Margo Howard’s advice

Sex Ed for a Younger Sibling

Dear Margo: My sister is 10 years old and in the fifth grade. Recently, her health class was divided up by gender, and the boys and girls were separately taught a unit about the changes their bodies would undergo during puberty. My sister was telling me about this the last time I was home from college, and I asked whether she had learned about reproduction. She replied no, that she had only learned about getting her period. Then, quite nonchalantly I thought, she said, “I’ll probably learn about it (reproduction) from my friends.”

When I was her age, I learned about sex from a children’s book. My school system — the same one where she is enrolled — did not teach any lessons about reproduction until high school biology, and our parents never gave me a “talk” of any sort except to tell me to abstain. I worry that waiting for her to learn about sex from her friends is not the best way to handle that situation.

My sister is rather precocious and mature for her age. Given this, I wonder whether it might be better for me to educate her about sex myself. (I am 19 and have been safely sexually active since I was 17.) I want to let her know she can come to me with any questions she might have. I feel my parents would not be supportive of my doing this, but I don’t think they plan to talk to her about it themselves. What do you think is the best option here? — Pondering in Pittsford

Dear Pond: As the big sister, who sounds very thoughtful, I would affirm your doing a bare-bones explanation of reproduction now since you say her school system does not get into this until high school, which for your sister is three years away. I suspect her guess is correct that the other kids will “teach” that subject, so better that you do it. I would’ve said run this by your mother, but because you seem to know that she wouldn’t encourage your approach, skip that. In fact, your parents’ avoidance of the larger subject convinces me that you are right. And what could be more comfortable than an attentive big sister? — Margo, educationally

Good Hands, Big Mouth

Dear Margo: I get regular massages from a man who has the hands of a god. He is by far the best massage therapist I’ve ever had. My problem is that he talks too much. He likes to talk about his kids and his ongoing divorce battles. I don’t mind chatting a bit, but it has gotten to the point that I am not enjoying what should be a very pleasurable time. To be fair, I think I promoted his chatting by asking about his family and commenting back. But I really want to stop it now. Can you help me come up with a kind and gentle way of saying, “Please, let me just relax”? — Want To Get It My Way

Dear Want:  Because you made the mistake of making conversation in the first place, he followed your lead. Most masseurs do. Had you been silent from the get-go, I’m betting he would have taken your cue. Now it’s up to you to change the routine. I think you can do that gracefully by saying, “Sam, your work is so superior to anyone else’s that I’ve decided to get the full benefit by relaxing and meditating. I’ve decided this is the one place where I can be silent and just feel pampered.” If he’s really dense, repeat your wishes. — Margo, peacefully

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via the online form at Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.


Every Thursday and Friday, you can find “Dear Margo” and her latest words of wisdom on wowOwow

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41 Responses so far.

  1. avatar Brenda S says:

    For LW#1, her younger sibling is lucky to have her big sister to guide her.  When I was young, my mother did give me the talk.  But, she made it seem so dirty it was pitiful.  If I sat in a car with a boy lying with his head in my lap, I was on my way to hell.  As long as the older sibling gives her little sister the information in a caring way she will appreciate it.
    For LW#2, I know where she is coming from.  My husband has a standing appointment with a masseuse weekly.  I’ve gone a few times but find that her personality grates on me.  Margo has the right idea.  One should learn to keep their mouth shut when they first go to them.  It cuts down on your frustration dealing with them.  This includes all service persons. 

  2. avatar JCF4612 says:

    LW1: Clue your sister in with the facts pronto.

    LW2: Take an iPod with headphones in with you. Nothing more need be said.       

    • avatar dcarpend says:

      I’m a massage therapist. I would find it difficult to do any significant neck work — important stuff — on a person who was wearing ear buds.

      • avatar Lym BO says:

        so, dcarpend, any suggestions? Headphones was my thought too.

        • avatar dcarpend says:

          Possible to just take them out when he gets to the neck, I’d think.

          Most massage therapists do play music in the massage room…

  3. avatar bingo says:

    LW1, only thing I would add is AFTER you talk to your little sister, you tell your parents that you did speak to her. I believe your parents need to be at least somewhat in the loop, something will come up in the next (X amount of years) that you may not be available for. They are your parents, they do need to be alert/aware to what their daughter’s are up too, espically as something as (potentially life altering as sex) I also assume you will always try to be available for your sister, if she has any questions/concern’s. Bravo on being a excellent big sister!

  4. avatar Belinda Joy says:

    Letter #1 –  The fact that you admit you were sexually active at 17 tells me that your parents failed you in terms of explaining proper morals and values regarding sex.  I always find it interesting to hear of a teenager that has sex speak proudly that they do so “safely” when the lesson should be that they shouldn’t be having sex at all. But that aside….

    I agree that you should speak to her. Clearly your parents aren’t fit to handle this important role, the school  should (but given the restraints put on them by parents that argue it is their job to do so – but they don’t)  she can’t learn it there, and her friends will probably know less about it than she does, so where is she to learn about it? It breaks my heart that young people today don’t get that they should wait until they are emotionally ready for sex, not just physically.

    Letter #2 – Let this be a opportunity for growth. Why not be honest with him. “I LOVE your massages, you really have a gift. From now on can I have them in complete silence so I can really lose myself in your art of massage?” Contrary to what we were taught as children, honesty isn’t always the best policy but in this instance it is.

    • avatar Priscilla L says:

      The LW said that her parents told her to abstain. I agree, they failed her, and it sounds like you would have also.

      Being a teenager doesn’t make someone unready or disqualified to have sex. Your “shoulds” are ridiculous.

    • avatar bleeble says:

      That’s interesting. What’s the age minimum for sex for people with these universal proper moral values? And/or if it’s impossible to be emotionally ready at 17, when does every proper woman with values have emotional maturity to have sex?

    • avatar tj goldstein says:

      WoW Belinda, when did you join the ‘Morality Police’?

      I lost my virginity at 16, when I was legally able to do so according to Australian Law. I had wanted to lose it way before then and had been champing at the bit for at least a year before hand but I didn’t want to get my boyfriend in trouble, such as statutory rape, as he was few years older than me.

      I was mature enough to wait until I was legal… but I guess this makes me a loser in your eyes? That’s ok though, you come off as a completely disgusting in my view 🙂

      • avatar etiennewestwind says:

        This reminds me of something I heard once. It went along the lines of “You may have been too young when you had sex at sixteen, but I wasn´t”. Different teens mature at different rates, and I believe ir´s better to have sfaersex thn unsafe sex.

      • avatar Nikki Sunset says:

        Your defensive and rude response to Belinda suggests you have not yet reached maturity. So we forgive your ‘disgusting’ comment as a sign of your immaturity.

        • avatar tj goldstein says:

          That’s ok Nikki, I was just stating how disgusted I was at Belinda’s… disgusting… moral high ground. 🙂

          I know you are simply unable to process the idea that people are allowed to express their opinions, whether you like it or not. As far as I am concerned, Belinda can say what she likes and in the process, intentionally insult most of the readers simply because they don’t share her ”morals’ but hey, that means I am entitled to answer back in a truthful manner as well.

          As for you thinking my response is rude, maybe you should have a sit down with a cup of tea and have a hard think about *why* you think it is rude and hopefully you will get some sort of inner peace that you so desperately need.

      • avatar Hellster says:

        I, too, lost my virginity at 16, and I was definitely old enough to have sex, but very bad at picking a partner. When I had sons (and I like to think I’d have told any daughters the same thing), I advised them to have sex while they were young, on the grounds that neither theynor their partners would ever look that good again.

      • avatar Hellster says:

        I, too, lost my virginity at 16, and I was definitely old enough to have sex, but very bad at picking a partner. When I had sons (and I like to think I’d have told any daughters the same thing), I advised them to have sex while they were young, on the grounds that neither they nor their partners would ever look that good again.

    • avatar martina says:

      I had a friend who was taught by her parents to abstain from sex – she had three abortions in 5 years.

    • avatar bobkat says:

      Belinda, what is wrong with a 17-year-old becoming sexually active?? I grew up in a European country and there it’s considered *normal*, a given, that teens *will* have sex, at 17 or even younger, so sex ed is all over the place, even in teen magazines. Why are Americans so incredibly uptight about teens having sex? Do you truly believe that everybody should wait until they’re 25 or married? I just don’t get the US American attitude about this, and I’ve been living in this country now for 30 years. This 10-year-old girl is very lucky to have such a caring older sister. NOW is the time for her to get factual information about reproduction ans sex, not when she’s in High School. Ever wonder why the US has the highest teenage pregnancy rate of any Western country?

    • avatar Mary says:

      I am also with the consensus of your respondents. 17 is about the average age a woman loses her virginity. I’m of the camp that teens are going to do it whether you forbid them to or not, so it’s better to educate them about STDs, safe sex, and how babies are made. It is also known that many teens in the abstinence camp tend to think “sex” only includes vaginal penetration, and then they do everything but. They don’t realize you can get STDs from alternative methods of sex.
      I think that is the failing of many parents that they are unable to accept when their kids grow up. I can see myself making the same mistake when I have kids. The problem is that this makes them unprepared for what life throws at them.

      • avatar bleeble says:

        According to this month’s Seventeen, more than half of girls they surveyed actually waited until they were out of high school to have sex and that the perceived number was much higher than the actual number. So I’m not sure 17 is the average! It’s definitely common though.

        I’m glad the teen magazines address this stuff even if schools aren’t. Sister should probably also get her younger sibling a subscription.

    • avatar Jay Gentile says:

      A judgmental attitude likes yours goes a long way toward explaining all the unwanted teen pregnancies in this country.

  5. avatar wlaccma says:

    I have six sisters and we passed the “teachings” down from oldest to youngest. My parents would have been mortified to know we ever talked about sex or had it. My Mom bragged to people her daughters were all virgins when they married while we rolled our eyes behind her. I talked to both my children about responsible sex while we did dishes or when we were in the car. That made it easier for them since we did not have look at each other and it remained a casual topic like any other talk involving information they needed. Teenagers are going to have sex so they need to be armed with all of the information you can give them and birth control. An unplanned pregnancy changes their life forever. You hold their hand when they cross the street but some people are willing to let them roam through their teenage years with no guidance or hand holding which is so necessary to navigate those years of experimentation.

    • avatar Brooke Schubert says:

      Your approach to teaching your children is wonderful.  My mom told me once that her own parents told her nothing about her body or sex, and she hated being the only naive one in high school.  She was determined not to do the same with us, and I was always comfortable beginning in my pre-teen years with going to her with questions on things I saw or read about sex or to talk about things like birth control.  Because of that openness, I was already well-versed in birth control and the emotional aspects of sex before I ever actually did anything, and I actually WAITED until after high school mainly because I knew enough about sex to know that I wasn’t quite ready.

      What do you call parents who think that not talking about sex means it’s not happening?  Grandparents.

  6. avatar Cindy Marek says:

    L #1: In the 5th grade (in the 1970s), they only told us girls about menstrual cycles. I’m surprised it’s still just that now (considering online porn especially). I’d have a talk with her, but “just the facts.” In a boring “ho-hum” way (she’ll be too curious soon enough!).

    L #2: He apparently thinks you want to hear. Be polite, try to get back to quiet massage.

  7. avatar Pinky35 says:

    Did we all forget that a 100 years ago plus, women were getting married at 16 to much older men who pretty much were “paid” to marry them? Girls are biologically ready to have sex when they start their period. In this day and age, we ask them to wait because our standards for women are much higher. No longer do we expect women to marry young and start a family. In fact, women have pushed for equal rights and go to college and get great jobs so that they can be as successful as men.

    When I was young, no one really talked to me about sex other than to “never come home pregnant”. I never did, but I wish that I had someone to really talk to back then. And, if I had a daughter myself, I would tell her it’s her body and that she has to decide when she is ready. However, I’d inform her in the ways of safe sex and also how emotional it can be and gratifying it can be with a special guy who respects her.

    It’s great that LW1 has an older sister who is offering to be that person to inform her younger sibling. But, I think the older sister should ask the parents BEFORE hand to have this talk with her younger sister. Out of respect to her parents. Maybe the parents are just very uncomfortable with discussing this topic and would be glad to have someone do it for them. Or, maybe they just need a push from someone more in tune with today’s society that talking to children about sex at an early age isn’t giving them the OK, it’s just giving much needed information. Information that should really come from them as they are the parents, rather than friends who are learning as they go along, too. I know the LW said that her parents will probably not say anything, but it’s up to the older sibling to open her parents eyes about this and give them a chance to do the right thing. After trying this, if they still won’t do it, then I would say okay, have that talk with her younger sister. And, it would help if the older sibling got pamflets and books that are geared to teaching someone about reproduction and so forth. There is lots of good helpful information out there that one could get from any doctor’s office. She could show this material to her parents and suggest that THEY use these to have that talk with the younger sister.

    For LW2, if the guy makes you feel uncomfortable, I suggest finding another massage therapist. Or, find a way to tune him out.

    • avatar QuietGitl says:

      Girls having their period does not = biologically ready to have sex.  The body, while capable of sustaining a pregnancy, is not actually fully grown at that point.  The pelvic girdle is not fully deveoloped as girls are still developing at the onset of menarche.  Girls are capable of “having sex” at any age, (sex does not include an orgasmic release) as long as their genitals are involved.  (Yes Monica and Bill, I count a BJ as sex.)  (I am defining rape as involuntary sex.)  We had the school talk in 4th grade and it left me too embarassed to talk to my mother, although I would have loved having an older sister i could have discussed it with.  
      I see no reason for the older sister to ask permission to speak to her sister.   She has seen a need and can address it.  My brothers (who did not discuss sex with me) did teach me to drive a stick shift and gave me valuable driving advice and car maintenance issues.  My parents, from whom I took the majority of my moral standards, taught me more by example and family wide discussions than direct discussions with me.  No they never discussed sex openly, although they made it clear that it was only between married people (they were born in  22 and 23, I in 59)

      • avatar Pinky35 says:

        By biologically ready to have sex, I’m referring to the menstruation cycle. Yes, a girl is not fully grown at that point, but when a girl menstruates, it’s because she ovulated. Ovulation is what leads to pregnancy. So, I’m talking about how the body is preparing itself for procreation. It’s a biological thing. I didn’t say she would be ready to have sex at that age. Sure, girls can be curious about sex way before they get their first period, but it’s when the hormones hit ya and you feel all those urges that girls can become more curious about sex. So, in my opinion, BEFORE all those hormones hit, is when it’s a good time to talk about what will happen to her and what she will be feeling.

        I understand you on not wanting to talk to your mom about sex at that age. Kids are totally embarrassed. I get it. But, that’s why open communication with your children is important so that when your kids have questions, they can feel comfortable enough to come to you. And the worst you can tell your child is that you don’t wish to discuss it yet or that all they need to know is that they shouldn’t do it till they are older. I wish my parents had been approachable or at the very least I had an older sibling.

        I think in this case, the older sibling should at least try to discuss this with her parents first. If that fails, then yes, do go ahead and talk to the younger sister anyway. If the older sibling is indeed mature enough to talk to her parents openly about sex at 19, then she is mature enough to discuss this with her younger sister. That is my opinion.

        • avatar Lym BO says:

          I am assuming you don’t have medical background. I agree with every thing else you satiated, but…
          The onset of menses, (your period, menstruation, etc.) is preparing the young woman for fertility down the road. Think of it as a practice run. Consider those who start their period at 9 years old.
          Teen pregnancies carry very high risks. While the young woman who has began menses can become pregnant, her body really isn’t ready for a few more years. Many don’t get adequate (or any) prenatal care- especially early on, They are also at higher risk for prenatal hypertension (high blood pressure), pre-eclampsia (life threatening for both mom & baby) , Growth retardation in the baby, premature babies, low birth weight babies , STDs (which can effect the baby) & postpartum depression. Emotional maturity is a whole other animal.

  8. avatar Allaroundtheworld says:

    Ah the old sex talk. I too, have lived all around the world and am amazed at how americans make sex dirty. When my family lived in Europe for 10 years, sex and the human body was seen as natural, not dirty. They have comprehensive sex education and the human body is normal. But here in United States, sex is seen as something dirty and the human body something to be ashamed of. I think it goes back to the Puritan beginings of the states. Just 50 years ago, most people got married at 17 and at 100 years ago people got married at 15 and further back people got married even younger. If we look back at our own high school days we would remember that we were having sex too. But now as adults we kind of forget that and project to our children that no we didn’t.  If we keep making sex something dirty and forbiden of course they will want to do it, but nobody wants to tell them how to do it safely and for the right reasons. I remember I had to tell my SIL the facts of life because her parents refused to because they were to embaressed too. She was 13 and I was 26.  Her parents got married at the age of 16 because they had to because nobody told them what could happen. If we keep passing on ignorance all we get is ignorant children that don’t know the consenquences. Sex will happen, even if we as parents are not ready for it, our children think they are. Prepare them now.

  9. avatar Belinda Joy says:

    Unbelievable, the amount of women that admit they had sex as children.  Children should not have sexual relations. Adults… mature adults have sex. My mindset has always been, if you aren’t old enough to vote, drink legally or be considered an adult by our government, you should not be engaging in sex. Responsible parents instill moral values in their family in which their kids respect them and adhere to them. It’s called control. So no matter how your hormones may be raging as a teen, a responsible and mature teen would have self control. It’s usually the ones that lack control that are prone to disrepecting their family values.

    Let me guess, of those that admit to having sex as children did you also drink alcohol underage, engage in drug use by way of smoking weed?

    Just for the record ladies, your opinion on this subject is no more valid than my own. We merely disagree.

    • avatar impska says:

      This sounds all very black and white. If only we were good enough parents, no one would have sex underage! If only kids had morals, they wouldn’t have sex!

      You’re being naive to think that all teens are mature and intelligent and are able to predict all of the consequences of their actions. That’s not how the teenaged brain work. No matter how morally upright they are, their brains are not fully developed, their hormones are difficult to control, they are trying to figure out who they are going to be.

      For the record, I had sex for the first time at 20 years old. I was on birth control since I was 15 and fully intended to lose my virginity, but as it turned out I didn’t. It wasn’t about morals. It was about self-esteem and self-respect. My mother didn’t teach me that it was morally wrong to have sex. She taught me that sex was special, she taught me that I was special and she educated me about protection and what to expect – and that was how she was (quite accidentally – because she didn’t consider virginity to be a moral imperative) successful at keeping me from having sex.

      I knew girls who had sex because they felt that they “had to.” I knew girls who had sex because they believed they were in love. I knew girls who had sex because they were troubled. I knew girls who had sex because they enjoyed sex. I never met a single girl who lost her virginity as a teenager because she was morally corrupt.

      I was a very good girl. I had straight A’s, I kept out of trouble, I stayed a virgin, I told the truth, I was obedient, I followed curfew. I also tried weed. I definitely drank underage – in moderation.

      It’s nice that you made it into adulthood without ever having been “corrupted” by such nefarious influences. I hope you are as successful as your parents at keeping your kids away from these things – because if you’re not, I’m not sure your children will make it to adulthood without having you totally destroy their self-esteem by judging them for things that are totally normal.

      • avatar Belinda Joy says:

        “You’re being naive to think that all teens are mature and intelligent and are able to predict all of the consequences of their actions. That’s not how the teenaged brain work. No matter how morally upright they are, their brains are not fully developed, their hormones are difficult to control, they are trying to figure out who they are going to be.”

        You’ve proved my point, well said….exactly!   Which is why teens should not be engaging sexual intercourse. In another lifetime I would have been a sex ed teacher because I am comfortable discussing sex freely. I understand the human body thoroughly and have a manner of talking about sex in a graphic yet tasteful manner. So as self righteous as it may sound, I wish I could travel the globe giving every human under the age of 18 “the sex talk”.

        Masturbation and self exploration are acts almost every human being engages in. Yet teens that aren’t taught to allow their minds to mature along with their bodies before having sex with another human being, a majority of the time regret that decision of being sexually active at such a young age. They were never taught masturbation and kissing can be enough (until they are ready for more).

        The women on this thread may look back at having sex as a child fondly, but that isn’t the case for the rest of society. Most women speak of wishing they had waited or put off having sex. It is a reality from what I have read, heard and studied.

        But again, this is a conversation that albeit important to have, boils down to personal opinion.      

        • avatar impska says:

          My point is – even if you tell them everything they need to know – not all teenagers are going to be able to process that and gain wisdom from it. And no one gains any wisdom by being shamed about it after the fact.

          You’re right. Many women wish they would have waited – and women who waited rarely regret it. But getting a teenager to really understand that when she feels like she’s in love with her 17 year old boyfriend is close to impossible.

          As important as the sex talk is, parents also need to build their child’s self esteem and create realistic impressions of teenaged relationships, to avoid allowing them to date too young. This is long-term stuff.

          And let’s face it, some girls won’t get that from their parents. Some girls are going to be sexually abused by their uncle, some will be date raped, some will be exposed to a single parent’s many boyfriends/girlfriends, some will see their parents deal with infidelity. Some girls will have an abusive boyfriend. MANY girls will have low self esteem.

          Just telling them “Oh well, you’re not mature enough. Listen to me, I know” isn’t going to be enough. Because they feel mature. And after the fact, telling them they were morally wrong/corrupt isn’t going to fix what happened.

          The reality of it is that many girls will have sex young – no one is the perfect teenager and no one can raise a perfect teenager. It’s a mixture of luck and self-esteem that gets them to adulthood without sex. It has almost nothing to do with family values and morality.

        • avatar Lym BO says:

          I don’t know, Belinda. I was brought up very well. Totally planned to wait until I was married. But there was that one uber manipulative guy who could sell anyone a bridge. While my first sexual encounter was nothing to write home about I would actually say now that I wished I had had more sexual experiences as a young adult. Experience can offer variety. And I’m serious how many adulterers seek out a relationship craving something new since they’ve ever been with one person. Sex is way over moralized.
          Many of my girlfriends feel the same way. My first was at 17 then I wanted until I was 21 & in a relationship for 2 years & was planning to marry the guy.
          It’s unlike you to act so morally superior.

          • avatar bleeble says:

            Yes! Variety is wonderful. I agree. I was so terrified to marry someone that had only been in a long term relationship with one person since high school because of the lack of sexual experience. To my relief I found out that many a fling was had during a brief breakup, and oh how I benefit from those.

            FWIW, I was also brought up very well and had sex as a late teen. I waited until I was mature enough to go get an STD test & doctor’s checkup on my own. That was my metric and it worked for me. Not sure how that rates on the morality scale, but it was at least a vague standard of responsibility.

    • avatar MrsMsMissy says:


      I agree with your second response.  The first I disagree, whether a person’s parents failed their children.  Children are not robots to follow their parents commands.  But with this letter writer she writes her parents explained to her to abstain and she didn’t. 

    • avatar bleeble says:

      ” vote, drink legally or be considered an adult by our government”

      The same government that thinks that being allowed to kill other human beings in war is okay for an 18 year old, but drinking a beer isn’t? Not sure I’d go with the gov’t on this one. 😉

      It’s different for everyone. I had sex years before I ever started drinking alcohol (at 25). I knew 16 year olds who have no business driving a car either in spite of their age because they’re not mature enough. I also knew some 14 year olds with part time jobs who I would have trusted behind the wheel more than some people’s parents. You can make educated guesses about maturity in a lot of situations, but you can’t apply it to everyone equally.

  10. avatar Meletes says:

    Just a couple of clarifications.  In females, puberty starts with the development of the breasts, not mentruation.  The average age is 11.5 years old, but 10 or younger is not unusual in the U.S.  You can have developed reproductive organs without menstruating and can become pregnant as menarche is often very irregular until girls are 16.  So waiting until a girl gets her ‘period’ to talk to her is way too late.  I don’t know about moral issues, but I do know that if you expect a hormonally charged 11 year old to think completely clearly, let alone not necessarily be unduly influenced by hormonally charge older males, you’re looking for pregnant children.  Thank goodness this little girl has someone who can give her some facts.

  11. avatar wlaccma says:

    Sex education in school? My friend taught it for 35 years beautifully. How to wait, how to avoid pregnancy, how to respect yourself and save yourself for that special one. He did a wonderful job as I sat in on some of his classes. He showed films of kids having kids and how difficult it was. The result in our school. Lots of pregnancies in high school. It is the same with smoking. Our school spent a fortune on anti-smoking talks and films and showed the terrible results of smoking. The result. More kids smoking in high school than ever before. As people say “Invest in Pregnancy tests and cigarettes and you will never be poor.”

  12. avatar Lym BO says:

    LW1: I would guess your parents would be thrilled you are willing to give your sister “the talk”- assuming you do it in a mature, factual, guiding way. It also opens a door to her for ongoing advice. I would recommend against telling her when you became sexually active as that sets up some guidelines for her if she admires/models you.

    I learned about sex from my parents’ Reader’s Digest medical encyclopedia, movies & books.