Let’s Hear It for Mutts

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By Foxy and Cornwallis
Translated from Arf by Sheila Nevins

I am writing this on behalf of my two mutt dogs, Cornwallis (Humane Society) and Foxy (ASPCA). They have been quite agitated since the new Inauguration, and although both vocal howlers and Obama supporters, they are troubled about the kinds of dogs that will enter the new White House – and already occupy the vice-presidential home in DC.

It goes like this, barks Foxy: “If you find a dog in a pound, that is Democracy, and true to the spirit of the Founding Fathers.” She goes on: “If, however, you go to this pound (or reasonable shelter) to seek out a breed of a distinct nature, one with thoroughbred trappings, and blue-blood lineage, well, then, who are you kidding?” Cornwallis (Corny for short) growls (having been abused prior to his adoption and still somewhat easily agitated): “These breed-seekers are just hypocrites, slumming for designer dogs and artificially appearing egalitarian. They are simply aristocrats masquerading in torn jeans.”

Now, both dogs do not mind me speaking for them when I say they have the utmost respect for Cockers, Labradors, Water Dogs, Poodles (all sizes), Shih Tzus, Lhasas, Daschunds, etc. And both have heard the dog lore of Fala and certainly forgive Checkers – his paws are clean. But Cornwallis and Foxy want those in power to know that MIXED BREEDS OR MUTTS ARE THE STRONGEST, LIVE THE LONGEST AND, MOST IMPORTANTLY, ARE DESPARATELY IN NEED OF ADOPTION. These mutts behind cages also have history – it’s just not royal.

Take Cornwallis. His vet declares his street smarts the result of a late-night front-lawn liaison between a German Shepherd and a Labrador, possibly with a touch of Spaniel somewhere along the mount. Foxy, on the other hand, weighing in at 35 pounds, is deemed a German Shepherd oddly mixed with some small Poodle – owing to her authentic tight-curl and petite figure (and obviously a difficult maneuver for his mutter.)

So, avid devotees of wOw, please comment on these canine views, and give your opinions on the possibilities of a true heterogeneous muttocracy of the future.

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