Liz Smith: Greatest Hits, Part 3 — How Madonna’s Baby Bump Gave Liz A Bump

My friend Madonna, back in the day

And more from our Gossip Girl: Shorts are back — even on men? … women and implants — the news continues to be dire

“I AM my own creation. I am my own work of art.”

That was Madonna, way back before Lady Gaga began saying things like that.

I’ve been reminding you (and myself!) of some of my “great scoops” over the decades — breaking the Woodward/Bernstein book “The Final Days” … The Donald and Ivana Trump divorce …  Elizabeth Taylor’s wedding to Larry Fortensky.

Inevitably we arrive at Madonna. Aside from Miss Taylor, Madonna has surely taken up the most space in my column. I didn’t “get her” at first, but eventually I was charmed by her brash attitude, her supreme confidence, her various tributes to great stars of the past, her brilliant videos and quite a lot of her music, even. And, she was a marketing genius. She spoke openly about issues of homophobia, violence against women and being true to one’s nature —“Express Yourself” was her anthem.

By the time I finally clapped eyes on her, in 1991, at the premiere of “Truth of Dare,” she was very much aware of the extensive support I’d given her. She was brunette and heavily painted and wearing something revealing. I thought she seemed like a little girl dressed up, trying to be a big girl. I was there being interviewed for “Primetime Live.” The producers wondered if Madonna would give them a moment of her time and speak about me? As this was her premiere, I doubted it. I was wrong. “I love Liz Smith because she has big balls like me!” she said, laughing. Although it didn’t make the final cut, on air, of course. (I have her compliment embroidered on a pillow given to me by Diane Sawyer and Mike Nichols.) A few years later, I was interviewing her for real. As we prepared, she looked me straight in the eye and said, “You’re not afraid of me. I like that.”

Over the years I found her warmer, nicer, much more vulnerable than she ever let on, publicly. She had (and still does) a wonderful press rep, Liz Rosenberg, with whom I am also friends. My column had the best access to her, first dibs on her latest videos and albums. I was in her corner, especially when such press pleasure was taken at her mistakes or failures. She was always supposed to be “over,” but somehow never was.

I had championed Madonna to star in the film version of “Evita” way before anybody else thought of it. When she finally captured the role, I felt I was a part of that triumph. Two weeks into filming “Evita” in Argentina, I received a call late Friday from Liz R. “Liz,” she said “I have some news.” Pause. “Madonna is pregnant.” “What?!” I shouted. “How far along? “Two months.” I was sputtering in shock. The world had been waiting for “Madonna and Child” for years. Now it was happening. (The father was trainer/actor Carlos Leon, who was desperately in love with her, and one of the nicest men she ever loved.) “But filming has just begun. How can she hide it? And all the strain…” Suddenly, Madonna herself got on the line —“Liz, I’m pregnant, and I’m having my baby, now write!”

I sure did. Only one teeny problem. I had to hold the story for 78 hours! Even in 1996, this was almost impossible. I had to wait till the very last moment to send my column Monday morning. The syndicate was going crazy. Then I had to alert my papers, so they could clear the front page. I was sure I was going to lose the scoop. But I didn’t. It held. And as with Donald and Ivana and Elizabeth’s wedding, the day the story broke news crews awaited me in the lobby of my building and the phone rang nonstop. Yes, that is always kind of absurdly thrilling.

Madonna paid me back for all my support by giving me what I needed most — a great big juicy exclusive. And she was grateful in other ways. Once, at the height of her “unpopularity” — the duel release of her “Body of Evidence” movie and her “Sex” book — she called me. “It’s Madonna. I just want to thank for all you’ve written. I know you take a lot of shit for it.”

I was charmed. It was almost — but not quite — as good as a scoop.

* * *

CASTING NOTE: Beautiful Natalie Dormer, perhaps best known as Anne Boleyn in Showtime’s “The Tudors,” has joined HBO’s “Game of Thrones,” for that fantastical series’ second season. Dormer also appears in the coming ‘Captain America” and in “W.E.”

* * *

MEN IN Shorts — I came upon a fashion story while browsing the Internet. In Milan, the great shocker in the men’s fashion category was shorts on men — really, short, insisted the copy. There were pictures. I looked. Maybe I missed something because only one young gent was wearing anything that approached mid-thigh. The rest of the fellows were showing some knee. This is shockingly short? How soon we forget the 1960s, 70s and 80s when men’s shorts were so brief and tight, you could tell if they had a dime or a nickel in their pocket. Then everything got really baggy in the 90s. (Complete with the dreadful low-slung waist and underwear on display thing.) Now skinny jeans are back. But I don’t see men showing as much leg (and everything else!) as they once did. I could be wrong. Short shorts on women have made a comeback. It is astonishing to see girls strutting down the street in five inches of fabric and high heels. Kind of slutty. (A part of today’s women’s movement uses the new look as a vehicle to shock people into understanding violence against women: no matter how they dress, women should not be abused.)

Speaking of men in shorts, I came across a wonderful HBO documentary last week, “Fire and Ice” which tells of the great rivalry and eventual bonding friendship between tennis champs Bjorn Borg and John McEnroe. It is beautifully directed and both men admit they never played at the same level as when they were competing against each other. By the conclusion, it’s get-out-your-handkerchiefs time.

But to the subject — boy, were those tennis shorts short!  (Today you could hide a car in the baggies worn by tennis pros.) And John McEnroe misses his little shorts. A few years ago he said, “I had a cute butt, why not show it off?”

John was never one to hide his light under a bushel.

* * *

I FOUND a far more serious story while surfing — a new report on breast implants, and the myriad problems that beset women who undergo this procedure — lifelong problems! And one set of implants does not last forever. Most women who choose this augmentation will have the things replaced several times. There is scarring and infection and the issue of possibly overlooking cancer warnings. Reputable doctors warn women of every drawback, but the procedure remains the most popular.

In matters of reconstruction after the trauma of mastectomy, I understand. But just to better fill out a strapless dress?!


30 Responses so far.

  1. avatar Barbara says:

    Bjorn Borg had the best legs ever. He was the best looking man in short shorts and did a lot for the popularity of tennis.

    Implant problems: it is so hard to believe that so many women are still doing this, even with all of the evidence of health implications. And then all of the surgical work, from botox on to facelifts, nose jobs, tummy “tucks”…can’t anyone be happy with what they have?

  2. avatar blueelm says:

    I love this column! I’d love to see shorts on men again, why not? I think a lot of people seem to think of plastic surgery as some how less dangerous than other surgery. I was considering it at one point, but as I looked at before and after pictures I realized that unless you are actually injured or deformed in such a way that your well being is affected it’s probably best just to leave things as they are!

  3. avatar Lynn Wooten says:

    Liz — please reminisce some about Jacqueline Onassis. Many people miss her and enjoyed your coverage of her when she made news back in the day…

  4. avatar Mr. Wow says:

    Ah, men in shorts.  I am of an age to recall when men were men and shorts were damn short!

    Basketball players used to look very cute too, in their shorts. 

    As for plastic surgery I think about it every morning.  And then I say, “Really, is that the way you want to go?”  (Remember the writer Olivia Goldsmith?  Mr. Wow has led an embarassing enough life, to end it while tightening my neck.)

  5. avatar Richard Bassett says:

    I get cosmetic surgery (along with hundreds of others), especially if you were an actor, actresses or model (in LA or NYC) and want to tweak something here or there. I did it in Beverly Hills at age 25. The procedure resembled taking wisdom teeth (that had already been removed) and the physician took out what was called” cheek fat pad” (no outside scar) so, when photographed I would look gaunt (accenting my cheekbones) enough not to have to suck in my cheeks and speak at the same time…because you can’t. It was worth every penny of it given the amount of work that I was given (You have to have great looks to begin with). It brought me ten years in Hollywood. I had already been pigeon holed as a model, which only freed up my social time. I see that now. When you make it in Hollywood, it doesn’t matter what the venture it is in…your agent will push you in that direction…as long as you are making money. I’ve said this before but I wish that I had the experience and courage (that I have now) to break through this limited genre but, at 25, I was only thinking of what I would wear to the next hot spot to go to that night, the area of my body that needed a work out that day, just the right amount of tan (outside & indoor), where to put highlights in my hair, the manicures and my three times a week haircut. That took WORK! If modeling was the byproduct, then so be it. For years I told myself it was the other way around. Psychologically, I was bit socially retarded being the role of a decoration. Who needed to be social? You got all of the attention without doing a thing but that life was finite. Eventually, it ended so I chose social service to challenge myself with the opposite life style. I wore the shortest shots possible in the 1980’s. They were meshed so nothing could fall out. You could also buy a ‘fanny former’ (at International Male) and get fitted underwear that formed your fanny MORE. Again, you had to have something to work with to begin with. I haven’t lost my fanny but, at 54, these thoughts do not entire my head. Sure, I could fight an uphill battle but those years and long gone and my life includes the external, helping others find their place in the world. In 1983, Variety put out an entire page of Madonna promoting her song, “Holiday”. Since it was so close to Christmas that I figured it was just some holiday promotion and ignored it. It took her 1984 to cement her fame…then you couldn’t get enough of her. For the next seven or so years, she personified sex. An interest she possessed and was given the platform, on her terms, to attempt to promote it artistically. These days, regarding Madonna, all you wanted to do was dance. She really does’t ‘stand’ for anything else. “Evita” was a once in a lifetime role (She was perfect), next…had a baby, went into semi-seclusion, introduced Kabbalah, had another child, got married, got divorced, adopted a black baby by using a portion of her philanthropic services , helped her teen age daughter in the fashion industry, and is now directing (we’ll see) a major motion picture. (I’m not putting down film festival movies) This sounds about right to me. When people say, “I don’t get” Madonna…there is nothing to “get”. You are twenty years too late. There may or may not be other projects. She is at the helm of her own ship. Only time will tell.

    • avatar Mr. Wow says:

      Dear Richard…

      I am certain it must be untrue, but legend had it that Marlene Dietrich used to suck on a lemon wedge just before going in front of the cameras to pull in her mouth and accentuate the cheekbones.  I tried it.  Then I realized you needed cheekbones to make it work!

      I lost my fanny at 47, when I was ill and dropped from 170 to 125 pounds in two months.(“Fuck dying!”  I said to B.  “Where’s my ass?”)  I got it back, eventually (the joys of the gym)  but these days I wear my pants like a respectable gent of 58. 

  6. avatar Richard Bassett says:

    Poor Marlene, Mr WoW. That was why I did it. I never went for a consultation, as I had never heard about such a thing. What typical person would just ‘know’ this? No, two plastic surgeons approached me, doing my gentle bar fly thing in 1983 but they told me that they have been discussing it a long time now. How creepy. There was a small cost but it was only penny’s I gave them money each month for a few months…until they told me they I didn’t have to pay anything anymore. I’m sure that there were more upscale clients…they were located at the corner of Rodeo and Wilshire. Across from Georgio’s. Next to the ‘New Brown Derby”. Usually you had to PAY just to be in the on that corner. Once they crowded me into their book: “You Can Look Like This”, the payments ended. After the surgery, the cheeks swollened like two big apples on my cheeks. It looked hiddous (to me) But, in the end, it was well worth it. He was 45 in the nightclub scene (unheard of) and I was 24. He was great!!! Now, he must be in his 70’s. I’m sure he was always looking for potiential clients (LOL, but not evveryone got into the book!!)

  7. avatar Laura Ward says:

    Good way to put it! Carolos Leon was one of the nicest men she ever loved. Normally, she falls in love with men who win power trips over her: Sean Penn, JFK jr, Warren Beatty, Guy Ritchie…and I’m sure others we never heard of.

    • avatar Mr. Wow says:

      Dear Laura…there exists a wonderful bit of footage from her 37t birthay party in Miami.  She is ravishing in pink.  He is ravishing in white.   He says, “I love her.”  She says….she’s happy. 

      He wasn’t “powerful” enough for her.  Then she met Guy.   Now she is single.

       She cannot  be confined by ordinary standards.  But she has sought that.  Who hasn’t? 

      She is an Italian Catholic–a marriage that lasts, a big family.  (She wanted all that with Sean Penn, even as her star was  bursting.)

      She is a romantic who now feels romance was a punch in the face.

      • avatar Richard Bassett says:

        Madonna loves Madonna. Madonna wants Madonna. Madonna works for Madonna. There is room for one person in Madonna’s life: that would be Madonna.

        *She married Penn because it was a quick way to Hollywood. and it worked. Wasn’t their honeymoon making a film together?

        *Warren Beatty got her right away. He was the male person of her* 

        *That is how she made it so big. She picked Carolos Leon for his looks as she had a passion for Latin men. They would have an exotic baby. They did.  She married Guy because he was big enough (not TOO big) of a film director to help, but failed, in that aspect of her life. She will remain alone and it will be just fine with her. Afterall, she has Madonna. She did get W.E. out of the deal *

        • avatar Mr. Wow says:

          Dear Richard…

          At the time Madonna married Sean Penn she could have married an extra in the biz and gotten a movie deal–her videos had convinced a lot of people in Hollywood that she could take three and a half fabulous minutes and stretch it out.  Not.

          I don’t thnk her marriage to him was a career move.  Nor do I think her marriage to Ritchie was a career move. (You’ve seen “Swept Away?”)   Her “romance” with Warren?  Good for both of them.  They were two players, playing.  “Dick Tracy” is charming.

          I certainly don’t think she went out of her way to have an “exotic” first child.  Carlos happened to be  the the guy she was with.  It was not a convenient pregnancy.

          She loves herself, as all great stars do.  There is only one person in her room–herself, as  it is in the rooms of all great stars.   BUT…what the hell do we know? With our big assumptions.

          By the way—“Swept Away” wasn’t that bad.  Kind  of a Lifetime Movie with some cred. She’s much worse in “The Next Best Thing.”

          • avatar rick gould says:

            All I know is I’d much rather see Madonna DIRECT a movie than ever watch her ACT in one again…

            With the exception of “Susan,” “League,” “Dick Tracy” and movie length music video “Evita,” the dozen or so bombs Madonna has set off are more like the end of a film career than the beginning of one. Madonna the movie star was NOT born.

            “Who’s That Girl?” was like nails on a chalkboard. And with the bleach blonde hair and black beetle brows, Madge looked like a junior Baby Jane Hudson!

            When I saw/endured “Body of Evidence” in a theater, audiences giggled and talked back at the screen. And when then unknown Julianne Moore slapped Madonna in the ladie’s room, several in the audience clapped!

            I saw “Swept Away” when I had the flu really bad…was it really that bad or was I delerious? “Swept Away” reminded me of ET’s “Boom!” in all the wrong ways.

            The last straw for me was “The Next WORST Thing.” Not since Barbra stopped making movies has there been such a vanity project, except Madonna wasn’t even lovingly photographed 😉

            As for Madge directing, W.E. shall S.E.E.!

          • avatar Mr. Wow says:

            Dear Rick.
            Catch “Swept Away” without a flu.  Tho I feel sure you’ll say, “The flu was much better!” 
            Oh, come on—you know you love “Boom!”  You can not love La Liz shrieking “Go shit on your mother!”
            Or Noel Coward remarking after one of her lengthy Tennessee Williams’ diatribes:  “You seem very wrought up, dear.” 

          • avatar rick gould says:

            Well, “Swept Away” didn’t have that ridiculously awesome rhetoric by Tennessee Williams, did it? 😉 I love Liz, but feel about Madonna what someone said about Joan Crawford: “Respected, but not loved.” 😉

            Also amusing in “Boom!” is ET/Mrs. Goforth calling out over her intercom: “Pain! Injection! Pain! Injection!”

            And our favorite: “Urgentissimo! Just like everything else this summer.”

          • avatar Mr. Wow says:

            Dear Rick…

            Now that it is summer, I try to work “Urgentissimo!” into as many conversations as I can manage. 
            As you can well imagine, nobody knows what the hell I am talking about.  (Nor did Miz Liz, but she went on bravely.) 

        • avatar Richard Bassett says:

          Mr WoW and Liz,
          Madonna has been associated with many DJ’s (who promoted her very 1982 early) music and I am not mentioning only Belly Jean. In the autumn of 1983, she was given an entire page on “Varity” (unheard of!). I (and millions of others) tossed it aside believing it was a Christmas record. After the badly timed “Holiday” her next project was the ethnic intended “Borderline” and she chose her sexual partners (bad boys) as such. Then, came along Hollywood’s largest theatrical actor, Sean Penn. With his support, she got to Hollywood pretty quickly. Their honeymoon was spent making that God awful film Sanghai Surprise”. Unfortunately, she cannot act her way out of a paper bag and Hollywood didn’t seem surprised to see on the “A” list – beckoning her name, as it did with so much anticipation. Could she have made it without Penn? That’s a moot point because he was there…marrying the brightest female vocal star of the Universe. No babies. They were married three years. Just long enough for Hollywood to be called home and an instant sugar daddy, Warren Beatty, to rescue her. Now, she had everyone’s attention (and a bit of clout). Ultimately tired the pre Anit Benning boyfriend reality actor, “Warren Beatty, summed it up perfectly when her 1991 film “Truth or Dare” came out stating: “Madonna wants every move that she makes to be filmed”. He snickered because she was him. Her ‘sexually’ themed documents were released with her shocking video “Justify My Love” was published. I think that you had to buy the CD, which included the video. I do not believe (though I could be wrong) MTV/ VH1 wouldn’t play it. Today, it would all be kids stuff. Next the scandalous coffee table book Apparently Rosie O’Donnell like it. By 1994, all age sexual images were over. She went ballad (with all of the remixes) after that. Her ballads needed something for people to get up and feel energized. She made beautiful music by 1993, but it never played in clubs You couldn’t hear them. It just wasn’t the right atmosphere for this. Thank God for “Evita” (1996). Vocal lessons that took her to new levels, artistically and you can hear the change in the film. You really have to know the story behind ‘Evita’ to historically appreciate the fim because if you don’t, it’s just a series of songs. Snubbed (without a 1997 Oscar nomination) and angry, always with a smile. She dated a variety of men. She could have had a baby with anyone. At 38, with time running out, she choice the benign Carlos Leon as the ONE. The romance began and ended within a year. One surprise came of it: she was pregnant… She didn’t love him but he was the best of the batch (you hear nothing about him at all in 14 years). Angry at her snub, she had another baby (at 42) and solidified that marriage in a castle (2000)…like a Princess. She married a film director Guy Ritchie, who was talented by not TOO famous. Early on he knew that his wife couldn’t act. As much as he assisted her, she was dead on camera. She concentrated on music with him or really did nothing at all. Well, nothing much mentioning. There was Kahalahh and all of that promotion of an adopted Malawian child in exchange for building a school of hospital in Africa and her outrage at the situation… Pure publicity. A highly published divorce followed. Now, Guy (despite ‘Sherlock Holmes’) was holding her back. She became a fitness instructor, and took it to the ultimate, looking unhealthy. Assisted her 14 year old daughter in a, yet, another line of clothing. Aren’t there schools for this with students, with genuine talent, and are over 14? She is now directing W.E. for over the 50 scrowed. There is so much publicity for this movie, I believe, similar to ‘The Queen’ and ‘The Kings Speech”, it will come and go rather quickly. Such is the life of a director To remember it in real time; you would have to be about 80. As far as Madonna goes, she’s made all the right moves….thus far.

  8. avatar Deeliteful says:

    I’m a bit surprised that Liz has put all women who have undergone breast augmentation (except for reconstruction) in one category: “just to better fill out a strapless dress.” So what if that’s the reason. I had surgery 23 years ago and to date have not had any problems. I chose to have this surgery @ 36, not to fill out a strapless dress, but to have any breasts at all! I was tired of being a flat chested woman, wearing padded bras so that my size nothing boobs filled out the top of my size 10 dresses, finding a bathing suit that fit top and bottom, etc.  Shame on you, Liz, for making such a broad statement about personal choices.

  9. avatar Count Snarkula says:

    Well. The Count must weigh in. As background, this August, the Count will be Frankly Forty, (and factually fifty). I use fillers and botox. I have had a lower facelift and I look incredible (others words, not mine…but I agree), as regular me, but a little tighter and refreshed. I also have had Mike and Ike installed. Mike and Ike are PSPs (Porn Star Pecs). I don’t regret them so far, although they are somewhat new. They are the same size as when the Count was a bodybuilder at his top game. So, discuss and questions welcome. XOXO – The Count

    • avatar Lila says:

      Okay, Count, I will take you up on that.

      I can kind of understand having work done on one’s face because it is so intrinsic to one’s identity/public persona, and yet – other than makeup – we can’t do a thing on our own to change it.

      But – why the PSPs? Pecs are one of the easiest muscles to build up. Why not just spend a few weeks working the muscles?

      It’s sort of like liposuction for so many folks who are not grossly overweight to begin with. Liposuction: expense and risks of any surgery, and then you have a recovery period with bruising, the swelling, minor scarring, and the possibility of “lumpiness” or sagging skin, plus weird patterns of fat deposits later. Compare to: several months of proper diet and exercise yielding much better results in both health AND appearance, in the same amount of time, for free.

      So – what is the attraction for body-sculpting surgery?

      • avatar Count Snarkula says:

        @Lila – First of all, let me say that you are one of my favorite “regular” commentators. I enjoy your perspective, especially because it does not always match mine. We can always learn things at any age. So, the PSPs? As a former bodybuilder, my pecs were my pride and joy. When I retired, I went to a very lean, tightly muscled body. Which meant the end of the pecs that were my signature. I work out four times a week and eat healthy. So, to answer you, like everything else I do, I had Mike and Ike installed for ME. Not for anyone else, for ME. And I have to say that I am really happy with them. I had no problems, healed fast, and have no regrets.

        • avatar Lila says:

          Hmm. Do they have a way to hide the scars from inserting Ike and Mike? Armpit, perhaps? Women often end up with scars in the crease under the boob. I think they have some way to go in via an incision around the nipple but this has its limits (duh).

          But men with nice pecs might like to go shirtless sometimes… obvious scars would be a detriment… unless maybe the surgeon could make it look like a war wound or something… ?

          • avatar Count Snarkula says:

            Lila you crack me up! A war wound ! ! ! No he went in just below the armpit. There were two tiny line scars that have already faded to nothing. I figured if I was going to get them, I would get the best “installer” and I feel that I did.

        • avatar Lila says:

          Oh, PS, thanks for the compliment. I enjoy the discussions here! : )

    • avatar Mr. Wow says:

      Dear Count…

      God bless on the lower lift and I’m sure your friends are correct in that you look incredible.  But…implants?  Honey, push-ups and working with elastic bands attached to doorframes can do wonders for the chest.  (Mr. Wow is almost  a decade older than The Count and he has re-shaped his fair-to–middling shape.)

      If you were a bodybuilder as you say, surely you know how the form can be transformed.

      But mine is not to reason why.  If it makes you happy…

      By the way—the Frankly Forty, Factually Fifty line–you’ve read “Auntie Mame?”

      • avatar Count Snarkula says:

        Dear Mr. Wow. Please see above reply to Lila re: Mike and Ike. And yes, that line is one of my favorites from “Auntie Mame”. I have waited YEARS to use it, and now its time has finally come. ! ! !

        • avatar Count Snarkula says:

          And thank you Mr. Wow. Thinking of that marvelous book has recalled a wonderful memory. The Count’s Mere, nobody’s fool, gave me her copy of that book to me on my 15th birthday. And I remember clearly the words she spoke as she handed it to me: “You will like this. Your problem, my beautiful child, is that at age 4 you were ready for the Stork Club. Unfortuantely, the Stork Club was not ready for you.”

          • avatar Mr. Wow says:

            Dear Count–Oh, oh, OH!  “Auntie Mame!’  I saw the movie first, and adored it.  But the book…wow.  I was about 13 when I stole it from the corner store. (We were on welfare–75 cents for a paperback was a lot of money!  I was bad.)

            And did you ever read the sequel–“Around the World With Auntie Mame?”  Not quite as good, but it had its moments.    That one I picked up at the library.  Somehow, I forgot to return it.  I still have it, library card and all. 

            Nobody ever told me I was ready for the Stork Club.  My mother usually said, “You’ll end up in the gutter!”   Okay–so she was right once. 

          • avatar Count Snarkula says:

            Mere gave me her copy of “Around the World With Auntie Mame” the day after my 16th birthday. Not coincidentally I now believe, considering that the night before, a nice policeman returned me to the family home after being busted for being in a nightclub while underage. And drinking Manhattans. Six to be exact. And chain smoking Kents. This gift came with no verbiage. Just….”the Look”. And I cherish that book too. True, never as good as the first, but damn fine for a sequel.

  10. avatar Lila says:

    I would not mind seeing shorter shorts come back, if that means men might pull their pants up for a change. Tired of the ultra-baggy, underwear-showing look. Sloppy.

    As for women’s short shorts being “kind of slutty” – maybe, but I am much more horrified by the SKIRTS which are somehow just as short, if not shorter, than those short shorts. Good God. Every now and then, if passing through the Juniors section of a department store, I see these tiny scraps of denim hanging up – looking no wider than a belt, perhaps – I look under to see if it is actually a “skort” with the built-in shorts underneath. Um, NO. They are just… scraps of fabric which would not have kept my butt covered as a 10-year-old. And I would have been mortified to wear them, too, and if I had a daughter, she absolutely would not own one of these things while living under my roof.

    There is a reason men call these “CFM skirts.” It’s one thing to show your entire leg. It’s something else entirely to give the world an easy view of what’s between them.

  11. avatar Tom in Colombia says:

    The roof are gonna come of the theaters when W.E. comes out.